*Sniff*

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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Moved HERE

"3ayem" -C.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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Amethyst: Alo?
A: Hala, shlounech?
Amethyst: I'm okay. How are you?
A: I'm good. Can you come over for lunch?
Amethyst: No, I have a final at two.
A: Right, I forgot.
Amethyst: Don't forget for a change.
A: What?
Amethyst: I said, don't forget for a change.
A: Hehe, iyey menich akthar.
Amethyst: Likewise.
A: Are you feeling any better?
Amethyst: Yeah, sort of..
A: Sort of?
Amethyst: Well, I'm okay enough to go take finals aren't I?
A: That doesn't count. You're not doing it willingly.
Amethyst: It does to me. And I'm not exactly doing anything willingly at this point in my life.
A: *Sigh* You're a handful.
Amethyst: Bite me.
A: You're being ridiculous.
Amethyst: So are you!
A: What do you mean?!
Amethyst: You know e x a c t l y what I mean.
A: Can we not-
Amethyst: Yes, if we don't-
A: Alright!
Amethyst: I love you.
A: I have to love you back.
Amethyst: But you're doing it willingly.
A: Why wouldn't I? You're... almost perfect.
Amethyst: Haven't I failed you yet?
A: I doubt you ever will.
Amethyst: Really?
A: Yes, really. I'm super sure and confident. You're going to be something bigger than I am one day. Much bigger.
Amethyst: You know what I really want?
A: What?
Amethyst: I want to be someone else's magician, like you are to me. That's big enough.

C. Not Burning on the Inside

[HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!;* (yesterday)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DR. H!;* (today)]

Mr. Therapy Man, I need to ask you: how can I live on?*

And so she woke up after four hours of sleep with that song stuck in her head. She's falling. Falling into a pit. An eternal pit. And only she can pick herself up, flip the pit around, and make sure she falls out of it rather than into it. She sighs and turns over to get out of bed. She's been spending most of her days in bed. Might as well stay in there today.

She picks up her book and starts to read, ignoring the fact that she has two finals the next day. She has no sense of time. Her brother peeks in to ask if she wants anything to eat. She shakes her head. When was the last time she ate anyway? She shrugs and closes her book. She drags the laptop over her legs. Should she?

She opens it up. And signs into her multiple accounts. The only person she feels like talking to isn't online. Her status says busy. Busy doing what? She's got to be busy doing something. Not really. Says who? She can be busy doing nothing. But she isn't really doing nothing. She's thinking. Overwhelmingly. Is that a word? She can't remember.

Does it surprise her? No. She's already forgotten how to count. She's already managed to dismiss the fact that a red light means stop. Next on the list? She won't even mention it. Last time she felt this way was Summer `07. A book got her through that. Nothing will get her through this. Not even knowing what's next.

What if what's next is worse? She wouldn't want to live anymore. She's already living for one person only. She's already lived enough for everyone else. Wow. What is she thinking? What is it? She's driving herself over the wall. Blasphemous. She giggles. She really is insane.

Nostalgic. A song plays that reminds her of way too many memories. They are flooding her head. And in turn, the thoughts in her head flood her eyes. She needs to leave her bed. Or change its sheets. Maybe all the negativity would shed itself away once the sheets are gone. No?

She doesn't only need to get out of her bed. She needs to leave. Soon. It would do her some good. It has to. And she wishes when she comes back, everything will be less hurtful. People would have moved on and dealt with their issues. And then maybe she can smile genuinely on the inside as well as the outside. She wipes her tears.

She sighs. She sits up on her bed and glances at the mirror to her left. She needs to deal with her hair. It's big from the tossing and turning before the four hours of sleep she managed. Her eyeliner is smuged at well, adding a horrifying effect to the dark circles under her eyes. Her collar bones are starting to protrude. When was the last time she ate, again? Oh, wait. She couldn't remeber that the first time. She reaches out to the elastic band on her bedside table and ties her hair back. She attempted brushing it the day before, but she gave up. As long as her bangs are okay, she'll look fine. Or will she?

She would love to shatter the mirror until she feels better. She knows that'll happen some time soon. But she also hopes it happens sooner than her soon. She wants to be able to live like her name implies. Her brother peeks in again. Does she want anything to eat? No, just water. Can she have a bottle? Two big ones? Sure.

Maybe the water will cleanse her of all of this.. Or maybe she'll look back at it and sing, I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so pleasant about that phase.**

*Mr. Therapy Man - Justin Nozuka

**Crazy - Gnarles Barkley

"Wain elnakhwa?" -C.

Here's why I love kids...

Little K: Laish labsa qalb el7ub? (Why are you wearing a heart?)

Amethyst: Le2ani a7ebik;* (Because I love you;*)

Little K: 7ata ana a7ebes;* (I love you, too;*)

M: Fi dodo meni! (You're hurt there!)

Amethyst: Adri *Pouts* (I know)

M kisses the bruise: Al7een etrou7 eldudu:) (It'll go now)

Amethyst: Chan yrou7 eltheeb w ygoul 7ag elkharoof, "Ra7 akleeek!" (Then the wolf went to the sheep and said, "I'm going to eat you!")

Little K makes claws out of his hands: Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawr!

K: Saway chedi wayh elsmecha elfish. (Do the fish face)

Amethyst sucks her cheeks in and does the fish face..

K: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Meta etrou7een elba7ar? (When will you go to the sea?)

Amethyst watching Horton Hears a Who with Little K, M, and K.

Little K: Shoofay, al7een et6ee7 3alaih elshyara! Wa3alaya.. *puts hand on cheek* (Look, now the tree will fall on him! Poor guy..)

---

For everyone who is wondering who A is, A is for real. A exists. A is the person who made me who I am now. If it weren't for A, I'd probably be suicidal. Some of the readers know who A is, and for those who don't.. You don't have to. It's okay if A is a mystery to you. And so:

Amethyst: How come you never cry?

A: How come you always cry?

Amethyst: I don't cry. How come you never cry?

A: There's no point in crying. I cry on the inside.

Amethyst: There is.. You let things out. You can't keep everything inside.

A: I thought you didn't cry.

Amethyst: I don't.

---

What freaks you out about yourself?

"What are you all about?" -C.

A: Why do you think a lot?
Amethyst: I don't know.
A: Nothing is for no reason.
Amethyst: I know.
A: So, why do you think so much?
Amethyst: It's normal to think about things that concern you or people you love and care about, and there always has to be someone going through something.
A: Right.
Amethyst: This book is funny.
A: Radaina 3ala the book?!
Amethyst: Wallah! 7ada ytha7ek!
A: Drop the book and look at me.
Amethyst: Okay?
A: You need to get a grip.
Amethyst: I know. I will when I get back.
A: No, you need to get a grip now, before you lose it completely.
Amethyst: I know.
A: Red lights like that, can't count, a3sab, excessive thinking, sleepless nights, not eating.. Get a grip.
Amethyst: Inshallah:)
A: No fake smiles. Not with me, anyway.
Amethyst: Okay
A: What the hell is going on with you?
Amethyst: Nothing. I just feel misplaced. Like I'm in the wrong time and place?
A: No, elaborate..
Amethyst: I don't feel like it. You want food?

Lesson learned: No matter what, people who read you can do it all the way. You can't fake it. You got them used to knowing everything about you. And when you decide to withdraw, it scares them. And it also scares you.

---

Randomly:

No more school from 8-4

Finals will be over on the 5th!

I need a massage.

I already miss my jam3a buddies;(

Fishbowl is funny;p

I really miss J;*

I.Need.Sleep. Pills?

...

"Salamat" -C.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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Tagged by Balqees

ID

Name: Amethyst
My friends call me: ..different things;p
My Nickname(s): Too many, the best of which are Butterfly and Angel Eyes;*
Birthday: Feb 2nd, 1989
Major: Engilsh Literature
Job Title: Student

FAVES

Boys name: Hmm.. I don't have a favorite.
Girls name: Fajer:)
Perfume: Irresistable (and Amethyst;*)
Fruit: Bananas and pineapple
Veggie: Nothing comes to mind;\
Fast food place: Currently McD's;p
Favorite cartoon character: Didn't watch cartoons.. *Cough*
Animal: Serpents
Ice Cream: Chocolate <3




HAVE YOU EVER?!


Bungee jumped: Yeah, and loved it!
Used someone: Maybe, but I hope not;\
Had bloody nose: Once
Played truth or dare: Lol, yes! Countless times;p
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: No
Been in a physical fight: Yes;p
Knocked on wood: Yeah!
Broken a bone: Yes;\
Broken the law: A bit too many times..


LAST TIME

Laughed and why? Around ten minutes ago, my friend was umm.. playing around with a concept;p
Cried and why? I'm not answering that.
Hugged someone and whom ? My mom, around two hours ago..
Recieved a call and from whom ? A, around 20 minutes ago..
Used a pen and what did wrote ? At like fourish, "Enjoy, Darling!" <- Our housemate wrote me a note to tell me that she borrowed some books, and I wrote back on the same note.
Lied and whats the truth ? Said I was okay when I'm really not;p
Recieved a message and from whom ? Just now, from N.
Took a shower: Around four hours ago..
Put make-up on: My trademark eyeliner, this morning;)
Ride a bike: Weeks ago;\




WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU?

Your family: The people who invade my room;p
Your home: Where I am at the end of the day..
Your friends: The people who make me smile:)
Yourself: An amethyst in the process of being shaped for a ring..
Your birthday: The day I was born?
Your bedroom: My place to think which is frequently used as a living room;\
Your car: I don't have a car of my own.
Your mobile: Reaching out to people..
Your PC/laptop: Access to things I love, esp. music..
Blogging: The most suitable outlet:)
Money: A necessity



RIGHT NOW

Eating: Nothing, I'd rather not eat;\
Thinking: I <3>Smelling: No sense of smell;\
Watching: A hort film posted on F.'s blog;)
Listening to: Clocks - Coldplay
Feeling: Drowsy -> Migraine deprived me of sleep;(
Wearing: PJ bottoms and a tank top
Waiting for: Too many things:)
Hating: My migraine?
Missing: J
Loving: I don't feel like long lists;p
Worried about: Someone
Planning: To sleep off the migraine;\
Annoyed with: My migraine




MENTION TWO THINGS THAT

Make you happy: Someone I love is happy + Sleeping well:)
That you're obsessed with: Fixing people's hair/eyebrows + Reading
Make you sad: Helplessness + Feeling lost
You hate: My migraine + Madry;\
You're doing: Listening to music + Talking to my bro
You like to eat: Pasta + Ice cream
Smell Bad: Cheap perfume + Raw fish
That we probably dont know about you: I eat pizza with my hands + I feel naked if I'm not wearing a ring
That you did today: Screwed up a midterm + ran a red light;\
That are dangerous: Running a red light + Jumping off a building?
That you're good at: Reading thoroughly + Witty comebacks
That hurt: Being blown off/Feeling unappreciated + Betrayal (including being kept in the dark)



RANDOM

Tell us something your "3ax el nas" about: I don't brush my hair or tweeze my eyebrows.
Can you play any instruments? Not anymore, no;\
List four things that you are less than 3 meters away from: The book I'm currently reading, the red teddy bear HAJS got me (his name is Cincinnatus today), my phone, and one of my two Banksy books <3
Have you ever been told you look like someone, if yes, who? Kristen Bell, Jennifer Garner, Maram, my mom, my dad, and the list goes on and on..;\
Are you enjoying this tag? Not really;p
What bad habits do you have? I don't brush my hair. I walk away from things when I'm pissed. I bite my nails when I'm pensive, worried, or helpless. Etc.
If you could have one day being the opposite gender, what would you do ? Check myself out as a girl;p
Worst thing that has happened to you this year: I'd rather not:)
What's your current Habba Song? Mmm.. Wonderful - India Arie
Any last words? Balqees, never again;p

Overwhelming Silence

---

A: What is it?

Amethyst: *shrugs*

A: You brought me here, so you could sit on the floor and stare through the wall?

Amethyst: I don't know. I thought I had something to say.

A: Talk to me

Amethyst: I said I thought I had something to say. Doesn't that mean I really had nothing to say?

A: You tell me

Amethyst: I don't know. I guess I don't.

A: Don't cry

Amethyst: I don't cry.

A: Whatever you say

Amethyst: You know, my friend lent me a hilariously funny book.

A: And?

Amethyst: It's funny?

A: Okay. You're crying. This is not working. You can't cry and talk about a funny book.

Amethyst: Really? Watch me.

A: Khebla. Are you challenging yourself?

Amethyst: No, I'm betraying it.

A: And why are you doing that?

Amethyst: I wasn't doing it intentionally, and I'm stuck now. That's the book on top of that pile..

A: You're stuck?

Amethyst: Trapped?

A: Be brutally honest. I won't bite.

Amethyst: I never said you would.

A: What's going on?

Amethyst: I wish I could tell you. You weren't there when it first started. And me telling you now.. Well, it would just be a waste of time. You can't help. You know?

A: No, I don't know. I can always help. We both know that.

Amethyst: Not in this case. I feel like I don't need any of this.

A: This?

Amethyst: This equals everything I have or am living.. Everything. Just everything, kel shay.

A: Why are you giving up on yourself?

Amethyst: I'm not. I'm giving up on expecting things to work out the way I want them to. For a kid who didn't like fairy tales, I should've learned that happy endings aren't for real.

A: You already knew that.

Amethyst: Every single time? They're never there..

A: Really? What if-

Amethyst: No what ifs, remember?

A: Right.

Amethyst: Can we just sit here in silence?

A: Of course

Counting Sheep

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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I miss blogging. I have so much to say but no time to say it. It's quite frustrating. I'm drained. On the other hand..

I'm finally done with all the responses and papers due for the whole semester!;D

Moving on...

A question for our fellow males:

Do you believe in "The Feminine Mystery?"

---

I love my younger brother. He's such a sweetheart. Every time I feel down, he finds ways to make me feel better without me even telling him that I'm not okay. At times, he just knows that I don't feel like talking, so he simply spends time with me in my room being silly. When I stay up late working, he stays up with me, commenting on what I write and coming up with comic relief. Because I'm so busy these days, I've realized that he's the one who misses me the most. 7bbi;*

---

Amethyst: You guys, I need to change. Yalla, leave wela abadel jedamkum.

Friend: Amethyst, hatha elazrag 7ag sheno?

Amethyst: Eye cream, ma et3arfeen tegrain? Enzain 6el3aw bara balbes!

Friend: Once wela twice a day?

Amethyst: Twice. 6el3aw.

Friend2 *holding up a pair of shoes*: Are you going to wear these?

Amethyst: Mm, madry. I'll let you know when I'm dressed! Yalla, leave! We're late!

Friend2 *holding up another pair of shoes*: Enzain hathaila ra7 talbeseenhum?!

Amethyst: Madry, 6el3aw bara albes w ba3dain agoulech!

Friend: Khanrou7 chalet next week.. Meta etkhalsoun dawam?

Friend2: Ana ma 3endi shay w 3adi akshet.

Amethyst: Wednesday, but I have finals after that. Would you guys leave?

Friend: Ee, bas manabi wayed nass khanrou7 bas e7na..

*Amethyst starts undressing*

Friends: HEY! SHGA3ED ETSAWEEN?!

Amethyst: 9arli sena agoulekum 6el3aw balbes, madry 3ankum etha you mind or not!

Friends: Oh, enzain 3adi khalseena we're late!

---

Randomly:

I miss J;*

I'm growing my hair out.

Banksy's identity is revealed.

My mom thinks I'm getting too thin.

Sleep deprived

I'm considering working during Ramadan, since I have no school. Any suggestions?

The weather is torture without beach.

Ice cream all the way

Pissed at society

...

;$

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

---

I've been getting a lot of casual gifts lately.

I got two copies of what I call The Banksy Book, one from Sou and one from a special someone that shall not be named.

I got Amethyst by Lalique from H and J, and I absolutely love it although I thought it smelled crappy when I first tried it at the mall;p

*Cat sent me this pic

So, thanks for surprising me. It made my hellish days a lot better. Love you;*

---

Randomly:

My rash is much better.

Never tell anyone that you know someone with three nipples.

The smell of cigarettes makes me high.

I love my friends. I don't know what I'd do without them.

When you feel down, always think of the best memories even if they make you cry.

Banksy is amazing.

Books are the best thing to lose yourself in.

Being happy and sad at the same time is possible.

Heartaches aren't only emotional.

Life is wickedly strange.

I love my phone.

I just realized that I can only go without rice for a while even if it's a really long while. I crave rice!

I'm losing weight without doing anything, and I keep needing to get new jeans;\

I need more time to read.

I should stop being so evil.

Although I'm sleeping better, I'm sleeping less.

I need a break from everything. I have one more paper to go, and I can't seem to concentrate enough to work on it.

I love the smell of the sea.

I'm craving cake. The one my friends call the old-fashioned cake..

Enzain bas mali khelg I type;\

Marx

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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The Transcendental Female*

She could not help but feel excited about reading something she can completely relate to. She wakes up early Friday morning to the page she opened her photocopied package to last night. She has always had a feminist in her, and that led her to believe that every female is born with that side. As a female grows, she either submits to the patriarchal society she lives in, or she nurtures the feminist within and takes on the challenge other women have started before her.
The introduction of the assigned reading triggers her already established annoyance for fairy tales. Since she turned four, her parents have been subjected to an interrogation after reading her such stories. Why does it always have to be the prince who picks the princess? Why can't the princess save herself? Why isn't there a monster instead of a witch? Her parents have soon given up and bought her books that were not fairy tales. Stories she can read alone without having to interrogate them, but she always found someone to ask. Her uncle has become the usual victim. Soon, he introduced her to the world of Hans Christian Andersen, where there is only a subliminal partially dangerous happily ever after.
As the reading gets more and more interesting, she realizes that she is merely reading beliefs she has previously attacked from all sides before defending in her somewhat opposing society. She has argued that marriage should not be a female's ultimate social goal in countless gatherings. Women should know themselves and feel complete before allowing the presence of a man. She remembers all her friends who have been done wrong by men only to become a shame to the female race by exclaiming that they might not be able to find a man closer to perfect that the one that has made them feel worthless. It is true what her wiser female relatives say, all men are really just one man.
She agrees that gender discrimination spread through religion. After all, the most popular books are holy ones, and what do these advocate? The infamous Biblical story that blames Eve for the fall of humanity and the theory that Eve was created from one of Adam's ribs are only a couple. Furthermore, people do not question stories presented religiously; therefore, they believe them and blindly advocate them whether they are true or altered to suit male dominance.
Proud that she knows most of the names that are considered leading feminist activists, she is even more proud that these women unite in the idea that women should be equal to men, regardless of their background and lifestyle. She really believes that if that goal is accomplished, and it will take centuries, the world would be a better place. Women will learn to live a life that will contribute "to the world of reality and not to the world of men."
She giggles at the idea that she is a "madwoman in the attic" to male chauvinists. What would all the sexist critics they have previously discussed in class think of this? It is a theory that disputes them all. Women to them are inferior to men, but in this theory, the script is definitely balanced if not flipped.
She smiles as she finishes the reading, realizing that feminists are wrongly perceived as haters of men. They do not hate men; they just despise those who think they have the right to take away their freedom of choice of lifestyle because of their gender. She seats herself before a blank document and places her female hands to type a response entitled The Transcendental Female. For once, she does not leave the title for last.

*One of my theory assignments for Z and N.